there have been countless times in my life when the Lord calls me to do something, only to redirect me in another direction. He asks me to obey faithfully and to trust in His promises. if i am honest, sometimes that’s difficult. it’s difficult to step out of my comfort zone and not be in control. it all comes down to fear. i’m scared of the unknown. i’m scared that the God of the universe has a better plan that i have for myself. i’m scared to let go. but time and time again, the Lord proves His sovereignty, His faithfulness, His unending love.
my last blog post revealed big news in my life. in case you missed it–i have been accepted into grad school at azusa pacific university. i’m participating in the transformational urban leadership program. there are two tracks to the program: los angeles and international. when i applied and accepted the offer, my intention was to pursue the international track. this meant, i would study a semester in los angeles and then depart overseas january 2016. the plan was spend the rest of the program in manila, phillipines. well, now, i have yet another redirection in my life. early last month, i found out that due to low enrollment this upcoming semester, the international program has been postponed until fall of 2016. the biggest change with this news is that i will not be leaving to go abroad in january. i spoke through my options with andrew, the program coordinator. there were several, but this one is my final decision: i begin the program in september as a part time student here on the los angeles track. if the international program is open next fall and if it is still the Lord’s command to go, i would leave january 2017. otherwise, i’m able to finish my degree in here. which meeeeeeeans i’m staying in los angeles for at least the next year and a half!!!
the question most people ask me is how do you feel? and to that, i say, “relieved.” don’t get me wrong, i was willing to go live and learn in manila. i knew i needed to obey. and while it was difficult for me to think about leaving los angeles, i was (and still am) for certain of the Lord’s faithfulness. i was ready to follow wherever because i know He would be with me as He is with me now. but i’m relieved. i’m at peace with this redirection and ultimately, i know that the Lord’s sovereignty will shine through.
it’s easy for me to believe that it was a waste of time and energy to think i was leaving in january. but that just simply means that i lack faith in the Lord’s perfect timing. when i have my own plans and pursue them instead of His, redirections like these will frustrate and anger me. but when i understand that in every moment i am in the palm of God’s hand, i know that this change has a purpose. it is a redirection to know and love the Lord even deeper.
from this, i learned a lesson i apply to other aspects in life: when things are going well, when i have a solid community, when i get that pay raise, the Lord is good. and if not, if life isn’t going as i planned, if i can’t attend that friend’s wedding, if money’s a little tight this month, if no one is pursing a romantic relationship with me, i have to remember– He is still good.